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22.04.09

Buy His Lemonade - Finance His Movie

I love original ideas to circumvent the traditional structures and if you do it with style and message I am ALL out behind it.
There is this screenwriter who seems very fed up with Hollywood and "The Industry" and wants to do his own movie. To finance his endeavor he sells self made Lemonade with a great "disclaimer" text on the label that explains what he wants to do and how much he hates corporate Hollywood structure.

THANK YOU FOR INVESTING IN MY MOVIE!
My name is Matthew and I am one of the best screenwriters in Hollywood. Unfortunately, the television networks and movie studios don't know that yet. As it stands, the decision of which films get produced are left in the hands of emotionally-immature, substance-abusing ex-lawyers who live in dread paranoia that everyone in the universe is out to get them. They spend the bulk of their time spying on their fellow executives, composing nasty counter-intelligence rumors and spreading them through their network of FA-BU-LOUS, yet cunning assistants.

Much of the actual work, like "reading" is left to a gaggle of twenty-something interns who are all the product of George W. Bush's "No Child Left Behind" policy. To these bimbos, nothing in the world existed before 1995, and the most reading they've done has been through text messages. They believe that good writing is something that fits into 160 characters, all performed with the thumbs. :)LOL!

Needless to say, I'm making my own damn movie and you just helped! All of the profits from this amazingly refreshing drink are going into my independent film. Why? Because I believe in the spirit of America - CONSUME AND DESTROY! POOR=BAD/RICH=GOOD! WAR IS PEACE! YOU-ESS-AY! YOU-ESS-AY! YEE-HAW!

Any-hoo, if you work in "THE INDUSTRY" as a common below-the-line slob and would like to work on my film for less than you're worth for no other reason but to satisfy my giant ego, send your resume to: malibu.monkey@verizon.net.

If you're a producer with a distribution deal, somewhat sober, and capable of actually reading a screenplay by yourself, shoot an email to me as well. I'll be happy to send a script to you along with your stupid submission release agreement boilerplate wank-rag.

If you are an actor, congratulations on making it this far. It's a lot of words. Who's a good boy? You! And you are very special. Plus, you serve specials at the restaurant. Special food served by special people to special people. Okay, I admit it. I'm just jealous because you are better looking than me and get all the hotties. Girls who go for me are all smart 'n' junk. Plus, they sag. And you're in SAG. Isn't that special?!

Agents, entertainment lawyers, managers and all other Pimps of The Antichrist can do us all a favor by simply killing yourselves. If you can, try to attempt a single moment of original, creative thought by finding an entertaining way to do it. Like performing seppuku with a champagne flute during the lunch rush at The Ivy. Or hang yourself from one of "O's" in the Hollywood sign with a noose made from your Kabbalah strings and rubber cancer-awareness bracelets. Either way, die bloodsucker! Die!

Cheers!

His lemonade is made up of the following:

A REFRESHING BLEND OF WATER, CERTIFIED ORGANIC LIMES, CERTIFIED ORGANIC CANE SUGAR, AND CERTIFIED ORGANIC BASIL.

sounds delicious. You can by a 1-quart bottle for $5 or a 10 bottle crate for $30.
@malibumonkey.

via boingboing.

Posted by fALk at 10:46 | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

15.02.09

Earthlings

If you are a meat eater pet owner or fur wearer - this is a must see film. Are you part of the atrocities?

You have dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity.

Posted by fALk at 15:37 | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

19.01.09

The Oamaru Declaration of Independence

Via Citizen Renaissance comes this highly thoughtful text. A redo of the Jefferson declaration of independence by Dr. Susan Krundieck of the New Zealand Transition Towns Network. It tackles everything there is wrong in a some short paragraphs - to bad its just words again.

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the economic bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, Justice, the pursuit of Happiness, a Healthy Natural Environment and Sustainability for ourselves, the Third Generation and the Seventh Generation.

— That to secure these rights, Organisations are instituted among Communities, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Members,

— That whenever any Form of Economy becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Relationship, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Economic Relationships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them and their environment to ruin, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Economic Constraints, and to provide new Guards for their future security and sustainability.

— Such has been the patient sufferance of this community; and such is now the necessity which constrains us to alter our former Systems of Business Growth for its own Sake and Environmental Exploitation. The history of the present Theory of Economics is a history of repeated disasters, injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over communities and the environment. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, felled our forests, polluted our water and fouled our air.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has exploited our talents, put us into debt, degraded our culture and eroded our relationships with the members of our community.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has exploited mineral resources which by right should belong to people in perpetuity in order to obscenely enrich a few in the short term.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has paved our farms, sprawled our towns, and destroyed the quality of live of our people and their children and grandchildren.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has convinced us, for more than a century, to ignore the voice of scientific knowledge and reason in order to continue the acidification of our air and oceans through Sulphur Dioxide, Nitrous Oxides and Carbon Dioxide emissions from combustion of fossil fuels.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has exploited the labour of people and environments that have no protection from ill use, and has persecuted people who worked for economic justice and equality.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has assaulted the morality of our youth and treated them as a target market rather than with the respect of future citizens and community members.

The Growth Economy for its own Sake has corrupted the purpose of our governance and civic institutions, it has usurped the purpose of our curiosity and research efforts, and it has shifted the motivation for the education of our young from development of their intellect and character to exploitation of their labours for further growth of the economy.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the Transition Committee of Oamaru, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of this community, solemnly publish and declare, That this Community is, and of Right ought to be Free, that we are Absolved from all unsustainable and perverse requirements of the Growth Economy for its own Sake, and that all connection between this Community and the Growth Economy, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Sustainable Community, we have full Power to reduce fuel and electricity consumption, restore our environment, protect our culture, nurture our agricultural assets, set aside our resources, refrain from extracting minerals, stone or fossil fuels, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Local Commerce based on our own principles and theories, and to do all other Acts and Things which Sustainable Communities may of right do.

— And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Emotional story that comes with the text can be found on transitionculture.org.

Posted by fALk at 20:16 | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

16.11.08

GoogleTalks with Michael Pollan - a very balanced informative talk about food

Michael Pollan is a Journalist that focuses on problems with our society when it comes to the food we consume. He has a very pragmatic balanced way of looking at it but makes it clear that there is real food and food that your great grandma would not recognize and that for that reason alone you shouldn´t eat (over processed corn syrup food f.e.). Watch the talk he gave at google - its really enlightening when you want to know how the current foodcrisis emerged and why processed food is so bad for you but so cheap and likely not to be called real food at all. He sums up his research for his book:

Eat Food. Not Too Much. Mostly Plants


Posted by fALk at 18:14 | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

9.11.08

How to overcome the Food Crisis

One of the best indepth explanation of how the current state of the food chain is, why there is a crisis, why food equals health, why food equals oil and how the fuck to get out of it as fast as possible is written up on the New York Times by Michael Pollan in the form of an open letter to the new ruler of the world the USofA. Apparently Mr. Obama has already read it and included it in some energy dependence meetings. If all the points made in that letter can be fullfilled we see a radical shift that I can only embrace in my fullest. Having looked at the very topic of food production for personal reasons as well as for our podcast the concept given could actually make for a soft landing out of the food crisis. On the other hand it would be so radical that it likely incites riots - the problem with any food related alteration of today economy and society - it needs to happen fast and throughout - there is gain if there are 200 small farmers trying to produce fruits and vegtables when on the field next door they are spraying tons of pesticides on the crops, poisoning water supplies. Same with cattle, if you have huge catle farms that raise cattle inside with anibiotics to get the bugs under control - the farmer who puts the cattle on open fields and tries not use chemicals on the animals will loose out because the diseases are spreading out of these houses. So to change anything in the chain to the effect as Mr. Pollan suggests you need to change it all immediately (and since most fields need a five year recovery from the chemical/oil induced shock this cant happen without people not having enough food).
Interesting times. I think they still might try it - its going to be interesting how the big food producers react to their imminent downfall in the wake of such a change.

One of the more "out there" but very effective ideas he put out to educate (he proposes a school garden of all - all I can say is that in socialistic east germany - you know where everything was so evil that it had to be destroyed - education system first - we learned what crop rotations are imagine that - in primary school !) it to put a barcode (QR Code here we come) with a link to the farm website where it is mandatory that there is a list of all chemicals used in the production, pictures of the farm and - ghasp - a live feed of the farm and for meat a live feed of the slaughterhouse so to educate people about the food chain and make it more transparent...

The government should also throw its support behind putting a second bar code on all food products that, when scanned either in the store or at home (or with a cellphone), brings up on a screen the whole story and pictures of how that product was produced: in the case of crops, images of the farm and lists of agrochemicals used in its production; in the case of meat and dairy, descriptions of the animals’ diet and drug regimen, as well as live video feeds of the CAFO where they live and, yes, the slaughterhouse where they die. The very length and complexity of the modern food chain breeds a culture of ignorance and indifference among eaters. Shortening the food chain is one way to create more conscious consumers, but deploying technology to pierce the veil is another.

A very intense long but amazingly well thought out article. Its what the food culture should be like - if it fails to get there in the not so distant future so will civilization fail.

The Food Issue: Farmer in Chief at the New York Times.

Posted by fALk at 18:23 | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)